"Secrets for the Mad: Obsessions, Confessions, and Life Lessons" by Dodie Clark

Have you ever felt like you were going completely mad...?

It's hard to remember that you're not the only person experiencing the thoughts and feelings that have been rattling around inside you.

For those lucky few who have never suffered any of the commonly-listed mental illnesses and/or disorders under the DSM-5, mental illness has a common habit of making you locked inside yourself. You start thinking about whether you're good enough, whether your loved ones really love you, whether or not you fit the mold of some elevated societal standard, how you're going to keep up with your peers, how you're barely keeping up with your own responsibilities, how you don't feel like you can love anyone else when you can't love yourself, worrying about what might happen if you make this decision or what will happen if you don't make this decision, your brain whispering "you're not worth the space you take on this Earth" into your unsuspecting ears, your thoughts and emotions whirling around inside like a hurricane until it's consumed you and all you can really do is exist within it. Some days are better than others, some days are worse. Some days just blend together in an endless loop until you feel like you're really truly going mad.

So when you find a book that is written by someone who is going through the same or similar madness that you are, you're suddenly reminded that you're not left adrift in the churning sea of your own mind, and you can take comfort in knowing that no matter if you feel like you're hitting emotional rock bottom or if you feel like you're finally getting some control in your life, you are not alone...

What's the book about?

When I feel like I'm going mad I write. A lot of my worst fears have come true; fears that felt so big I could barely hold them in my head. I was convinced that when they'd happen, the world would end. But the world didn't end. In fact, it pushed on and demanded to keep spinning through all sorts of mayhem, and I got through it. And because I persisted, I learned lessons about how to be a stronger, kinder, better human—lessons you can only learn by going through these sorts of things. This is for the people with minds that just don't stop; for those who feel everything seemingly a thousand times more than the people around them. Here are some words I wrote.

(Summary from Goodreads)

When did I read this?

August 6 - October 14

Positives:

+ I thought that reading Secrets for the Mad would be like reading other YouTuber/celebrity autobiographies (which is usually, in a word, hollow and artificial, kind of like a Barbie doll), but Dodie's writing is delightfully human.

+ The way that Dodie writes doesn't feel like she's bragging about her life, or her music career, or how she has mental illnesses, but that she's "fighting through it like a champ": it's more sympathetic and very emotionally-charged.

+ Her writing style is mostly serious, but is also playful when the moment calls for a lighter tone.

+ It was comforting to read the experiences of somebody who went/have gone through some of the same things that I have. Reading through this book helped me realize that "oh, hey, I'm not alone in feeling this way. What a concept!"

Negatives:

- The only time that I felt like I could read this without feeling down afterwards was when I was already feeling melancholic. I'm not suggesting that this is the only way that you should read this autobiography or that you should read it this way at all, but I felt that in order to fully appreciate what Dodie was talking about, I needed to wait until I was feeling lethargic and mildly-depressed to pick the book back up again (which was why it took me so long to read it in the first place).

Reality Check:

Depression, anxiety, derealization/depersonalization

Content Warning:

Self harm, suicidal thoughts, abusive relationships, emotional abuse, eating disorders

Is it a truly litassociative experience?

To talk about an autobiography's litassociative qualities is kind of missing the intent of the work in question: its purpose isn't to distract from the current hellscape that surrounds your life, but to empathize and provide unique perspectives on certain experiences that the author has chosen to make public.

If I were going to rate Secrets for the Mad on litassociation alone, it would have been rated much lower than what I gave it: Dodie covers topics like depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other topics that may be a little too close to home for anyone reading this, so I wouldn't necessarily recommend this book for an escape. If you're prone to triggers on any of the subjects listed in the "Reality Check" section, I would suggest that if you do decide to pick this title up, that you do it at your own discretion. What she covers isn't anything that's really explicit or violent, but she does dive deep into how she felt during these moments that she does cover, which may pull you down from whatever mood you may be feeling.

However, I would recommend that you read Secrets for the Mad because of Dodie herself. Even if you don't listen to her music and don't even know who she is, her writing style is very comforting and reading her writing feels like having a friend sit beside you, giving you a warm hug and telling you that you aren't alone in your struggles instead of another celebrity flexing on how famous they are and why you should follow their brand of being. You can tell that she's an actual writer by how much she puts her heart and soul into telling her stories and analyzing them in retrospect. She gives the reader advice she's learned along the way to cope with whatever mood you may find yourself in. There were a couple of sections of the book I tabbed with sticky notes so I could go back to the advice she gives and feel some solidarity whenever I'm feeling depressed about one thing or another. She's also a creative and funny person, sprinkling some of her poems and songs throughout the book and presenting some lighthearted pieces on cooking or first dates or lists that remind herself of all the good things in her life.

So, go check this autobiography out for yourself, and maybe listen to the playlist below while you read her words, too. You might find that you're not the only one who feels like they're going mad sometimes.

Secrets for the Mad can be found at your local library and/or your nearest bookstore.

Final rating: